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We've been friends for over two decades, who has overcome numerous hardships, which I admire. But, she's constantly blindsided in relationships. Her partner left her, and it was a massive blow. A lot of her friends drifted away then, as they were drawn to the spouse. It shocked her. She put in more effort to be my friend, likely understood more acutely what friendship was.

Ongoing Issues In Relationships

Over the years, quite a few of her friends have disappeared and she isn't certain of the reason. Her last employer became hostile, although she had been highly competent, she departed without knowing the reason for the change.

How Things Stand Now

Recently, both of us retired and are seeing each other more, yet I realize my role in our friendship is to listen. I start topics of conversation but she shifts conversation onto things she cares about. In terms of politics, she expresses strong opinions. I try to propose verifying facts or other angles.

She's been organizing a vacation to a nation I have traveled to repeatedly and lived in for a while. I tried to provide personal experiences, yet it was met with resistance. She purely solely sought me to confirm her plans. I've just returned from four weeks in that place she is eager to meet, however, I hesitate.

Weighing the Options

I am unwilling to act as a friend that walks away without a word, yet I doubt she will ever understand the consequences of her behaviour on my confidence. Currently, my state is avoidance mode. What should I do?

Ways Forward

It's possible to walk away, yet this is seldom a smooth outcome that we desire. But confrontation with a view to working things out takes courage and willingness from both people.

Professional advice indicates using a effective method for resolving disputes:

"The first step is to state what typically happens in your conversations. This needs to be objective and clear and essentially what a recording device would replay. The second is to tell how this affects you emotionally. This allows for no disagreement about this. Your feelings are valid, after all. Step three is to question how you are both will alter the dynamics between you."

Keep in mind your friend has her own side, so you need to stay open to listen to her. An approach that works involves stating your friend:

"It's your turn to speak and I promise to not say anything for half an hour."

This can be impactful to encourage mutual respect.

Key Takeaways

This person could ignore all you say, as some people cling to a deep-seated story: they rely on a version of their life they're unable to release since their identity depends upon it being the only thing familiar to them. This is difficult when there seems no easy route here, just dead ends. But she may at first react like this and then think on your words. If you don't achieve a fix, you'll have peace that you've been honest with her.